just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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