First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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