I think my vagina is haunted
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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