I hate your face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
