D3 body, D1 cock
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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