You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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