I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The uberlube is also flammable
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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