Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
