hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
