On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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