Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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