so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
