i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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