Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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