I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
accomplished twins. life is a go
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
