We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize