I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize