I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
