Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
