Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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