Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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