walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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