'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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