If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
