if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
