It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
