and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
