I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
