Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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