Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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