My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
