i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
