You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
zippers are such a cool invention
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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