i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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