Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
