anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
