just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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