is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
