I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There r osticjed everywhere
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
