Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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