so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
