Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
