I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
