Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize