I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
