; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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