ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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