My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
