mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
