I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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