FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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