I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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