Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
