If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
