and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
