Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize