It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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