I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
