i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
