i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
