We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
