My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
