I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize