Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
