At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
