I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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