we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
