I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
