My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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