shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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