Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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