is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
